You constantly find your phone someplace other than where you are sure you left it.  You turn on your laptop and it logs on to a page you know you didn’t leave it at. Something is just not quite right, but you are not entirely sure what it is. Wrong! You know what is going on, someone is looking through your phone messages or your computer. Now, who would have the greatest interest into what you’re doing online, or who you might be chatting with? Your dog? Not likely.  The cable guy? Perhaps but still a longshot. Your partner who has been acting a bit weird lately and ask lots of questions? Bingo! The green-eyed monster of jealousy and suspicion can make people do some very inappropriate things, the question then becomes what are you going to do about it?

Trust issues are among the most difficult relationship issues to recover from, and even when they don’t cause a full on break-up there is usually a bit of residual mistrust left behind. This is why before any confrontation takes place you not only need to be sure of what you are accusing someone of, but you need to have a really good idea of the desired outcome as well. Some people may have absolutely nothing to hide and would gladly let their partner peruse their private text communications, while others with nothing to hide may feel this is a direct attack on their privacy and faithfulness. You also need to determine if you have given your partner any reason for their feelings of suspicion and distrust. Something that you feel might be no big deal could very well be a big deal to them.

If you are absolutely, positively and definitely sure you have done nothing to encourage your partner’s snooping tendency, you may then have a bigger issue ahead of you. Is this snooping part of their general non-trusting nature and something that you would have to look forward to and deal with for the duration of the relationship? If this seems to be the case you may want to decide in short order if this is something you can live with. Can you just imagine the future with your partner wondering if that was really a wrong number calling or further down the line why more of your denture cream is being used than previously? It will always be something, so either live with it or take a stand before you let it control your lives.

Snooping and mistrust are usually part of some bigger issue and the sad part is that it might have absolutely nothing to do with you. But, you will invariably be paying the price for it. Should you decide to stick it out a bit longer with hopes of working through the trust issues, keep this in mind, snooping and invasion of privacy can possibly turn into something more, including mental and physical abuse. This is something no one should have to deal with and if any red flags for this type of behavior shows itself; you may consider calling this relationship quits before it escalates to something that is harder to get out of and potentially dangerous.

Having said all this, it might just take a heartfelt conversation to get things out in the open. Our minds can often create scenarios that truly don’t exist, and a little understanding or explanation is all it takes to bring the trust back into the relationship. You have to decide these things, and which direction you want to take. Determine your boundaries and what to do if they are crossed. It’s all up to.

Writer and consultant for