I was sitting at a cafe’ the other day contemplating the origins of the universe and why hot dogs come in packages of 10 while buns come in packages of 8, when I overheard a group of women discussing how difficult it is to date after a divorce. This conversation at times became very heated and one woman began explaining the need for transitional relationships after a divorce.
“Oh that’s just a load of crap!” I muttered, probably a bit too loud as there was a momentary silence before I was verbally assaulted with all manner of excited gibberish. One woman turned her chair a bit towards me and asked me do rebound relationships ever work out, in my opinion?
I chose my next words very carefully and looked her right in the eye and said that I really thought there were no such things as transitional relationships and that thinking that any relationship after a break up as a rebound relationship is merely a recipe for failure.
To my surprise I had their attention, so I began to espouse my thoughts on the matter. I began by telling them that going into a new relationship immediately after an old one failed badly may not be the best idea, but not doing so might also stop you from possibly meeting the right person for you.
Think about what is important to you and why your last relationship failed, did you share the same values, enjoy the same things or was it simply that you didn’t want to be alone? Once you understand this and what makes you happy, dating after a divorce is not that difficult.
“There are no such things as transitional relationships” I continued, just let each day happen and set no barriers to falling in love. It can happen immediately after a break-up or years later, the key is not to force a relationship where none exists. The so-called rebound relationships are just the ones you get into because you are used to being a couple, and being part of that is comfortable to an extent as it’s something you already know to deal with.
Basically, don’t make any new potential partner pay the price for the short-comings of a previous one. It’s perfectly fine to not want to get too deep into a new relationship after one just ended but with transitional relationships or rebound relationships it’s important to always have an open mind and take things one date at a time.
So when you and your friends are sitting around a table having coffee or better yet a bottle of wine, wondering do rebound relationships ever work out, remember that by putting up walls that are a bit too high, you might not be able to see over them either.