couple talking

Friends are wonderful, they are usually there when you need them, and they can help you with chores such as landscaping, cleaning out the garage or being a sounding board for career decisions when you are considering a new job. Occasionally they will even loan you money, well, that is if they are exceptionally well-off or just stupid, but the one thing you should never do is take advice from a good friend about affairs of the heart! Don’t do it!

Taking dating advice from a friend is tantamount to going shopping for a puppy with any member of the cast of “Survivor”! You may think it’s a fun idea at first but you know as soon as your back is turned that little mut will probable bite you in the ass! You may as well call Charlie Sheen and ask for his relationship opinions while you’re at it. Friends quite often, but not always, have hidden agendas when it comes to dating and relationships, especially when it’s someone else’s relationship. Here are some types of red flags to be on the alert for:

The friend who tells you to “dump him” or her is the one that really gets under my skin, as not only is this person quick to give their advice, but usually does not take the time to ask the pertinent questions about the situation.  Have you ever noticed that this person always seems to be what you felt, was uncomfortably close to your other half, and perhaps always more than willing to be the third wheel when you go out? Do not be surprised that if you break up your ex gives you a ring telling you that “your friend” still calls them or has even asked him or her out!

We now move onto that friend that listens to the entire situation and tells you that everything is going to be fine and you should be happy no matter what, because you are so special and deserve the best. This is also the same person who believes in puppy heaven and the tooth fairy. Dating and relationships are not easy! They require work and people who are too quick to move away from difficult times merely do not care enough to fight for them, or truly understand the situation. This type of friend may not care as much as they claim, they are simply telling you want they think you want to hear in order to stay in your good graces, while also staying within grasp of free entertainment and an occasional free meal.

The next friend is a bit harder to understand. They are the one that wants no part of the current state of affairs; he or she says they do not want to tell you what to do for the simple reason that if you get back together, anything he or she says will be held against them. OK, so they have a point there, if I tell my friend that his girlfriend is a manipulative tramp or has the intellect of an eggplant, I am treading on thin ice. If they get back together, your observations or comments, (even if they were meant only to bolster a friends spirits) will come back to haunt you. This type of friend has a point, you can’t actually blame them, as you are the one putting them in a difficult situation, but as a friend they should take the risk and stand by your side.

Finally we get to what I like to call the “Better with Beer Goggles Friend” this is the friend who follows you like a Remora fish follows a Shark hoping to pick up the table scraps. Its not that they are the second coming of “Medusa” as people do not turn to stone when they go out in public, its just that they would not be your first choice (second or third for that matter) to flirt with in a well lit environment. This type of friend also has ulterior motives due to the fact that your being single gives them a much better chance of finding someone themselves, even if for just that evening!

In conclusion, I am not saying that all friends offering advice have hidden agendas, but you need to take any advice offered with a grain of salt. Remember you are the one that is having the crisis, not them. It all comes down to what you feel is best for you. There are those friends that would jump in front of bus for you, and there are those that secretly would like to be driving that bus. Ultimately, you make the decisions, some of them will be right while others will be painfully wrong. Only time will tell you if the choice was right, but life is what happens while you’re making other plans!

Writer and consultant for