Anyone who has been in a toxic relationship can look back well after it ended and identify the exact time and causes of its untimely demise. Bad relationships usually occur when people enter into them without really knowing the other person. You may think that the dating process should take care of all the questions and guesswork, but most people are still caught up in the flame of passion and disregard the tell tale signs of a toxic relationship.

Usually we can identify one or two particular habits that above all others drive us  NUTS! It’s usually something that grows over time, and at the beginning of a relationship it is hardly even noticed. It’s kind of like a snowball rolling down a hill, getting bigger and more threatening the longer it’s allowed to continue on its course.

Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend that took every opportunity to look over your shoulder each time your phone begins to ring or if you are sending a text? One of the most toxic habits in a relationship is not trusting the other person and always trying to catch them at something. Trust in a relationship is not just essential, it is the foundation upon which most good relationships are built.  When you spend more time trying to catch your partner at something than enjoying your time together, you may as well begin deciding who gets the dog.

Knowing you are in a toxic relationship is not always easy and then when you finally realize it, figuring out what to do about it can be even more difficult. In great relationships trust is usually not an issue that conjures up negative feelings or creates an overwhelming feeling of suspicion, but individuals should not tempt their partners either. Phone screens have locks on them for a reason, and so do computer screens. You may want to keep some things private, and leaving them open for the world to see is a temptation that is tough to avoid even for the best of relationships. This doesn’t mean you are hiding something from the other person, just taking natural steps to keep your personal information secure. If your partner makes a big fuss about this or insists upon seeing your emails or texts, your problem may be bigger than just a suspicious nature.

Not trusting your partner is perhaps the most common of the toxic habits in a relationship. It is often overlooked because it shows itself in little bits over time growing like a weed, and by the time you recognize it, your garden, or in this case relationship has been permanently destroyed. In addition to trying to read your text messages, your partner may show his or her mistrust by having an unhealthy need to know your whereabouts at all times. Again, this starts off slow and you may even see it as cute rather than the start of a bad relationship but with most toxic relationships it begins to suck some of the life and energy out of you.

Another “energy sucker” that is often associated with an unhealthy relationship when your partner is overly needy and needs your approval or direction for pretty much every decision. Sometimes it’s as monotonous as every time you turn around and your partner is right there. We all need some space and distance and some relationships can be suffocating when you never have any space. Again, these are toxic dating habits that don’t overwhelm you all once, but grow and irritate you over time.

It’s much simpler when you go on a few dates and the person you are with is just annoying and you can make your decision before investing any time into a relationship. Once in a relationship we try to hold on to it or fix it at all costs, which usually just makes it harder to walk away. In your heart you know when a relationship is not good but you still hesitate, hoping for change that probably will never come. If you see the signs you are in a toxic relationship, rip the band aid off and save yourself the aggravation of continual heart-ache. Take the quick sharp pain rather than a slow and steady ache of a bad relationship that will leave you emotionally drained. The choice has always been yours.

 

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Written by Debbiie Shawnless
keen writer and budding journalist.