Starting a conversation with someone new online can feel awkward, especially when you're trying to make a good first impression. The good news is that online dating has become the main way people form relationships, with over 350 million active users globally. More than half of engaged couples in 2025 report meeting through dating apps. This means plenty of people are looking to connect, and knowing what works can help you succeed.
Why Generic Messages Fail
The biggest mistake guys make is sending boring, generic messages. "Hey," "Hi," or "What's up?" get ignored because they show zero effort. Women receive dozens of these messages daily, and yours will get lost in the pile. Dating platforms report that these stale greetings have much lower response rates compared to personalized messages.
Think about it from her perspective. If someone sends you a message that could have been copied and pasted to anyone, why would you feel motivated to respond? She wants to know you actually read her profile and found something interesting about her specifically.
The Power of Profile References
Messages that mention something specific from her profile increase your chances of getting a response by 50%. This approach works because it shows you paid attention and found something worth talking about. Look for details about her hobbies, travel photos, favorite books, or anything else she's chosen to share.
If her profile mentions she loves hiking, try something like: "You mention hiking in your profile. What's the best trail you've tackled recently?" This opener gives her something specific to respond to and shows you share an interest.
When she posts photos from trips, reference them directly. "That photo from Morocco looks amazing. Was the food as good as it looks?" works better than any generic compliment about her appearance. You're starting a conversation about an actual topic she cares about.
Questions That Actually Get Responses
Open-ended questions about her interests create opportunities for real conversation. The key is asking questions that require more than a yes or no answer while keeping them light and fun. Here are some approaches that work:
Ask about her perfect day: "If you could plan your perfect Saturday, what would you do?" This question lets her share what she enjoys without feeling like she's being interviewed.
Reference her interests with curiosity: "Your profile says you love road trips. Any memorable stories from your travels?" or "You mention loving dogs. What's the funniest thing your pet has done?"
Ask about local knowledge: "What's a hidden gem in your city you think everyone should visit?" This works because people enjoy sharing insider knowledge about places they know well.
For something more playful, try: "If you could swap lives with any fictional character for a day, who would it be?" These questions spark interesting conversations while keeping things light.
Moving Beyond Small Talk
Active users spend about 80 minutes per day on dating apps, so you need to make your interactions count. Once you've broken the ice, ask about dreams, aspirations, or meaningful topics. This approach shows depth without being too intense.
"You seem passionate about environmental work. What inspired you to get into that?" works because you're acknowledging something important to her while showing genuine interest.
"If there were no limitations, where would you travel next and why?" opens up a conversation about dreams and preferences.
"What's one thing you hope to try in the next year?" gives insight into her goals while keeping the conversation forward-looking.
Reading and Matching Her Energy
Pay attention to how she writes and responds. If she uses humor in her profile, bring some playfulness to your messages. If she seems more serious or formal, match that tone initially. This doesn't mean copying her exactly, but finding a compatible communication style helps build comfort.
Look for repeated themes in her profile. If she mentions family, sports, and cooking in different sections, these are probably important to her. Bringing up these topics shows you're paying attention to what matters to her.
When she responds with enthusiasm and longer messages, keep that energy going. If her responses seem short or delayed, she might not be interested, and pushing harder won't help. Respect her boundaries and move on if she's not engaging.
Making the Transition to Real Connection
Long text chains get boring quickly. The current trend is moving faster toward video calls or in-person meetings once both people feel comfortable. This doesn't mean rushing, but recognizing when text conversation has built enough rapport to suggest the next step.
"Would you like to continue this chat over a quick video call? I find it's a nice way to get to know someone beyond text." This suggestion feels natural after a few good exchanges.
For in-person meetings, be specific and casual: "I've enjoyed our chat. Would you like to meet for coffee this weekend? I'd love to hear more about your adventures in person."
State your intentions clearly. If you're looking for something meaningful, say so. Being upfront saves time for both of you and builds trust from the start.
Safety and Respect Come First
More than half of women under 50 report receiving unwanted explicit content on dating apps. Don't be that guy. Keep your messages respectful and appropriate. Save any intimate conversations for when you've built mutual trust and interest.
Only 48% of U.S. adults see online dating as at least somewhat safe, so respect her need to feel secure. Many apps now offer profile verification badges and prompts for video calls. Use these features to build trust.
When meeting in person, suggest public places for first dates. Never pressure someone to share personal details like their address or last name before they're ready. Watch for catfishing red flags like profiles with vague text, no verified photos, or requests for money.
Examples That Work in Practice
Instead of overthinking your first message, focus on being genuine and specific. "I noticed you're into retro movies. Any underrated classics I should check out?" works because it references her interest and asks for her opinion.
"I noticed you volunteer on weekends. What led you to that cause?" shows you care about her values and want to know more about what drives her.
For profiles with less information, work with what you have: "What's a goal you're working toward this year?" opens a conversation without requiring specific profile details.
Final Thoughts on Making Connections
Starting conversations online works best when you treat the person on the other side as an actual human being with interests, goals, and preferences. Read her profile carefully, ask genuine questions, and show authentic curiosity about her answers. Keep your messages respectful and move at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.
The numbers show that online dating works when done right. With more engaged couples meeting online than ever before, focusing on personalization, respect, and genuine interest gives you the best chance at forming meaningful connections. Skip the copy-paste approach, put in real effort, and treat each conversation as a chance to connect with someone interesting.
