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Are Casual Relationships Beating Out Committed Relationships

Published on 01 Oct 2014 with 0 Comments

Is a Casual relationship beating out Committed Relationships in Modern Society?

 

In today’s society there seems to be a lot of debate over what is or isn’t a committed or casual relationship. The definitions can be completely different depending upon whom you ask and what their understanding of his or her current relationship is.  Just a few decades ago committed relationships were thought of as those with long-term potential possibly leading to marriage, but today it seems more people are considering themselves in casual relationships than committed.

It’s also important to realize that we are talking about relationships, not just hooking up with a person you met at a club for a one-night stand. Friends with benefits would be closer to what we are speaking about than just hooking up. To have some manner of a relationship usually involves a certain physical or emotional connection but doesn’t necessarily carry with it any pledge of commitment or exclusivity.

casual relationship

We have just used the word “exclusivity” in a discussion about relationships, but does a committed relationship automatically denote an exclusive relationship? In today’s society many people consider exclusive to mean just having the physical end of the relationship with one person. If that is so, does committed mean that the emotional part of the relationship is exclusive but the physical may not be?  Sex, or actually what happens after sex seems to be what really changes the classifications between casual and committed relationships.

Casual relationships are not platonic relationships either, as an intimacy without a deeper emotional bond is basically sex for the sake of sex with little regard for anything beyond that aspect of being together. There is no demand on time or emotions and any expectations are kept to a minimum. Just a reminder that casual sex can be thought of as no expectations of any kind and a repeat performance is neither required nor expected. We are talking about relationships. Casual relationships or “Friends With Benefits” are in fact relationships and there is some expectation of mutual support beyond the bedroom for some period of time, but one can be in several of these types of relationships simultaneously.

A committed relationship brings with it some mutually agreed upon code of conduct. It may involve physical or emotional exclusivity, as it’s a commitment between two people to be equally restricted in some fashion for the foreseeable future.  Stability is a key concept in this type of relationship along with mutual respect.

It may seem that in the modern world the fear of commitment seems to push more people towards the casual relationship allowing them to leave their options open to other possibilities. Sometimes people are hoping for the bigger and better deal such as the richer man or the better looking woman, but what it really comes down to is overcoming the fear of missing out on something. Most who are in casual relationships are committed to one another in some fashion. Imagine that you claim you are in such a relationship and your partner is out on a date with someone else, how would that make you feel? Casual relationships aren’t really beating out committed ones; it’s more like those involved are too fearful to admit they are in one.

Online dating and Peeing in the Pool; Everyone does it but none admit to it!

Published on 30 Sep 2014 with 0 Comments

Online dating and Peeing in the Pool; Everyone does it but none admit to it!

 

Okay, we have now gotten a good laugh from the title of this article, but if you really begin to think about it there actually are similarities. First, everyone at one time or another has peed in a swimming pool, despite rumors that there is a chemical in the water that will turn blue if someone is urinating. No one will admit to it, but they still do it. Online dating is very much the same in that almost everyone has a profile on some dating site but few admit to it. Have you met anyone that has connected through an online dating site? If so, do they readily admit to it or do they immediately go to the old standby answer that a mutual friend introduced them? It mystifies me as to why more people than ever before are meeting through the Internet yet still have difficulty admitting to it.

Remember when we met people at school, churches or through friends and friends of friends? Well, now it’s much more efficient and effective to do our personal networking through the vast array of online dating sites and social networks. Those of us a bit older than our 20’s and 30’s are caught in between the old school methods of meeting and the world of online dating. We come up with excuses that younger people don’t need to as they are used to the Internet and its ability to connect people. I frequently tell those who ask that my current girlfriend and I met when she tracked me down in her line of work as a bounty hunter when I skipped out on my bond. Another answer that gets them scratching their heads is that we met at a rally to add capital punishment for parking violations. Most of us would just rather not admit that we are on an Internet dating site to meet people. It’s almost more comfortable to merely say we met at a bar.

For those who are more comfortable saying they met online, you can go into more specific detail as to the exact dating site you met on and also state if it has a particular theme. Of course this may backfire heavily if you met on a site catering to those who enjoy kinky online dating themes. I’m just saying that it would sound strange if your saintly mother asks where the two of you met and you smile and say “TattooedSlutsfromHell.com.” I guess a lot of your answers may depend whether your mom watches Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer.

Sometimes it pays just to say you met at a bar or restaurant or wherever you had your first real life encounter. This way you will not be lying, as no one really needs to know that there was a few weeks of online messaging before you have your first in person date. Each situation is going to be a bit different depending upon who is asking, but the closer you stay to the truth, the less likely you’ll forget what you told them, and the clearer you conscious might be.

For whatever the reason there still may be a small stigma attached to meeting someone online, which is kinda silly because who really gives a crap as long as you found the person that makes you happy. Sometimes saying something as outlandish as “she was my penpal in prison” or as simple “He’s my cousin’s best friend”count for about as much as expecting an honest answer to the age old question “who peed in the pool!”

Surprisingly Common Dating & Relationship Mistakes To Avoid

Published on 16 Sep 2014 with 0 Comments

suprising common relationship mistakes

 

Surprising Reasons Leading to Most Relationship Mistakes

We have all been in that relationship in which we wished that we could have seen something coming sooner or have thought if we only could change that one thing everything could have been different. Relationship regrets are something that anyone who has been in a relationship has felt at one time or another and most often come after that particular relationship is over or beyond repair. We are going to take a closer look at several of these common relationship mistakes that seem to be the most frequent dating regrets shared by both men and women.

Not Trusting your Gut

This is by far the most common relationship mistake as almost each and every person who has been in a failed relationship has experienced a specific point where their instincts told them something was wrong and they failed to listen to it. Some may have felt that if they ignored this feeling it would go away while others were blinded by unwavering

devotion to the other person.  Not trusting your gut instincts commonly leads to an inability to express your feelings and talk about potential problems finally resulting in relationship failure.

Not Talking About Problems

Failure to discuss problems is a very common relationship mistake that not only speeds up the collapse of the relationship but affects your self-esteem as well. We always hear how communication is the key to a healthy relationship but it seems many of us have no idea how to communicate. Waiting too long to make your feelings known can result in disaster. Emails and texting are no substitute for sitting down with someone and discussing those things that concern you.

Not Learning From Your Past

Relationship mistakes are just that, mistakes and as such you should learn from them. Just like sticking your hand in a flame and getting burned, you should learn not to place your hand there again. So why is it that so many of us continue to either date the same kind of people or conduct themselves in the same manner that caused the previous relationships to fail? Relationship mistakes are often patterns that seem to be more like the movie “Ground Hog Day” where Bill Murray relives the same day over and over. If you can understand the pattern you have a better chance of breaking it.

Relationships can be difficult and recognizing the red flags will greatly diminish the amount of pain you may need to incur. Take your time and be honest with yourself and the other person about what you are looking for and what you are offering. Don’t be afraid to make your feelings known, as most of us are not mind readers.  Fear can be either a great motivator or something that can stop you in your tracks, use it to your advantage. Take things slow and make decisions based on healthy desired outcomes and you should be able to navigate your way through the most common relationship mistakes.

 

 

Dating By Email – Messages That Get Responses

Published on 28 Aug 2013 with 1 Comment

Many men using online dating sites have had a problem figuring out how to get a woman’s attention and how to get more women messaging them back. It’s really not that difficult once you understand how to create a dating profile that makes a difference, or to be more precise, how to get a woman’s attention and keep it. Decades ago in the back of magazines there were ads on how to pick up women, well guess what, they are back, but this time they teach you how create messages to make you successful in online dating.

Before you even get to the response and messaging part of online dating you really need to have a profile that can grab and hold a woman’s attention. The first part of this usually is the introduction. If you insist upon using this opening line to state how wealthy you are or what type of car you drive then you fall into the same category as the majority of people who think they can get quality women to talk to them based solely on this fact. You need to separate yourself from the crowd and scream “Hey! I am different!” Of course this isn’t what you actually say but by being amusing and different you may get a woman to read on to your actual profile to see what you are all about.  A sample online introduction could be something more like “Responsible by day, irresponsible by night” rather than “Millionaire seeking Arm Candy”.

Now that you have an introduction it’s time to get to the nuts and bolts of your profile. First decide who you are, funny? Serious? A bit of both perhaps?  Sample dating profiles are a dime a dozen on the Internet but you need to know how to continue once the messaging starts. It only works if you write about who you really are and present it in a way that not only makes sense but draws additional questions. The key to writing a great online dating profile is to show your personality by how you write as well as what you write. Pretty much anyone can spout off a laundry list of attributes and key facts but presenting it in a way that makes you seem like a friend instead of just a guy writing a profile is a difference-maker.

The average guy may write “I like fine dining and the beach” whereas the above average guy says “ a picnic basket filled with cheeses and foods from around the world while listening to the waves crash against the shore” conjures up a picture that is much more appealing to the woman reading this profile. In between the jazz make certain you offer key facts about yourself such as occupation, children, etc, but not enough that it would compromise your security.

Okay, the responses to you profile are now beginning to trickle in…what now? Well, first of all if you wrote a good dating profile that gets noticed you should be getting more responses than you know how to answer, so pick a few that intrigue you to get started.  Messages that get read have some common elements, they tell something about you, they are amusing and they are brief, perhaps 2-3 sentences. There will be plenty of time to get to know one another in greater detail later, but for now opening a continuous flow of conversation is what you should be shooting for.

Writing the initial messages is not difficult but there are certain rules that should apply if you are to be successful and the first of these is learning how to spell.  Many women have complained that men who use common Internet abbreviations or or make a substantial amount of spelling and grammar mistakes are really conveying that if they don’t care enough to write properly they probably will not care enough in a relationship. Another turn-off to many women is when a man immediately compliments some physical attribute. “Wow! I think you are really hot! translates in woman-speak to the probability that you are not and are just hoping someone falls for it. Saying something more like “ I was browsing the profiles and your eyes just grabbed me!” is a much better way of breaking the ice.

Since you only get one chance to make a first impression, you better do it right! What you put in the subject line of the message can make all the difference between getting read or getting thrown out with the trash. Imagine eating a piece of plain toast,  writing “hello” or “hey” is kind of the same thing, its boring and does nothing for you. Be imaginative and make the recipient want to see what’s on the inside and then dazzle her with wit while letting her know that you may have things in common.

Getting your message read is only half of the equation, getting responses to your messages completes the mission. To be successful in online dating you must combine all the above mentioned tips and suggestions and make it feel as if you are not behind a keyboard and monitor but sitting across a table from an attractive woman, letting your true personality shine through. If you have no personality and the best line you can come up with is “Hey babe, wanna get lucky?” Then just sell your computer and buy a dog!

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7 Clever Ways To Ask First Date Questions

Where To Meet Black Successful Men

Published on 20 Aug 2013 with 2 Comments

 

I was recently asked by a friend of mine who had gone through a string of fairly unsuccessful relationships why she can’t meet a black man of substance and stability. She wondered if it could possibly have something to do with race, since she was African-American. I looked at her for a good 10-15 seconds and by then she knew she was in for a lecture. I began by asking her where she was meeting these men? Already knowing the answer I delivered to her in my best elderly Jewish man accent…AHA!!!!!

There are many places to meet black men but she specifically said she was looking for a successful and stable black man, I told her to look for them the same way you would look to meet anyone of quality regardless of skin tone. You may be looking in venues that cater more towards single African-American men but the concept is the same. Stop hoping to meet your Mr. right in clubs and bars, there is a better than average chance that those you meet there are looking more for the short-term adventure than a stable relationship that could lead to more.

The black dating scene is no different from any other ethnic group, and the types of women that black men date are also looking for something special and quite often find that the Internet is a great place to look. Women that are searching for a successful man tend to gravitate towards those online dating sites that cater to those enjoying an above average lifestyle and for black women to meet rich black men they should not only look on mainstream dating sites but especially on those catering specifically to an upscale black customer base.

If online dating sites are not for you then figure out where single African-American men congregate and spend some time there as well. Believe it or not churches are considered a good place to meet upscale and stable people as those with a sense of faith and responsibility seem to be drawn together there. Many of my married friends say they met their future spouse while engaging in their interests outside of their careers such as as cooking or scuba diving classes.

If you are looking to meet successful black men, it also pays to spend time with successful black women as well. People who have reached a certain level in life tend to hang out with those in similar socio-economic groups and many of them have friends or relatives who are also in that circle. Let it be known that you may be available to date and let others who may know you and your interests play the matchmaking game. You never know what can happen!

Essentials For Meeting Successful Men Online

Why Women Admire Self Made Millionaires

Where To Meet Friends And Have Fun Doing It

Published on 16 Aug 2013 with 0 Comments

 

Not all interactions between people have to end up in a dating scenario, sometimes it’s enough to just go out and make some new friends. Learning how to succeed socially is a key component of understanding how and where to meet friends or just make some new acquaintances. For some people this is easier said than done as many people have trouble with unfamiliar situations and learning how to get socially adept is very difficult for them. If you are one of these individuals, never fear, this article will give you a great idea of how to start making friends and influencing people, well, at least getting friends.

Where to meet friends is always a question that comes up frequently, especially for those who may have just relocated due to a new job or family concerns. If you are trying to figure out where to meet friends in a new city then just think about what you may have done in the last town you lived in, chances are the same types of venues or gathering places are available wherever you are. If not, then think about broadening your areas of interests, learning new things, visit new places.  As you expand your social horizons it will be inevitable that interactions with others will take place. Just let the natural flows of any conversations guide you.

Making friends is not difficult; if you have just relocated you new job should be a prime area for meeting new friends. It just may take a bit of a feeling out process to determine which of your new co-workers may have similar interests and worthy of your time. If your friendships tend to turn into more than just friendships be careful as many companies may have policies about dating in the workplace.

I actually find that I make most friends when I am least expecting it. Chance encounters at any number of places can lead you to making friends as long as you are open to the idea and do not have the attitude of a complete ass. Chance encounters encompass a great many venues and they also are the way most people meet.

Chance encounters that occur at places you actually are hoping to meet other people are really not by chance occurrences. The movies or the supermarket are more of a random coincidence than going to an art gallery or taking a cooking class. By taking classes and going to cultural events you are in fact expanding your social circle and therefore increasing the odds that you will meet others with whom you share interests and may want to get to know better.

Meeting online is a fine way to meet new people, but knowing where to look can make all the difference. Knowing how to succeed socially is basically about understanding how to get social. Figuring out where to look and then how recognize when to interact. Online forums and groups are all over the Internet, just pick the ones that interest you and then a topic within that forum that you can either ask or answer a question about. That’s pretty much all it takes to get started meeting people online. Just let things progress at their own pace and before you know it you will have many more friends than you ever expected.

How To Dress For A Date – And Stiil Feel Comfortable

Published on 09 Aug 2013 with 0 Comments

 

There really are few things worse in the dating world than meeting your date for a long anticipated wonderful evening out and the seeing that person dressed completely inappropriate for that evening.  Suppose you are a woman expecting the gentleman to show up for a planned dinner at an elegant restaurant and he shows up in Sneakers and a tee shirt. It’s not going to make you giddy with anticipation. I once picked up a young woman for just such an evening.  All seemed great when I met her but after the door opened and what looked like the Queen of the Damned appeared in full Goth mode, I realized that even when you tell a person where you will be going for that date, you may want to politely mention attire for the date. This is done in a subtle way of course.

The key to pulling off a great evening in terms of how to dress for a date is not to be someone you’re not. If you are uncomfortable in what you are wearing, there will be a bit of an uneasy feeling throughout the date. You can dress elegant and still be comfortable, there is no law that states you need dress in a specific way, only that it fits the occasion.

If you are a woman or a man, you should dress properly for the evening but do something that stands out just a bit. Dressing for a date also means setting yourself apart from a crowd. This does not mean having a new hairstyle that looks as if it were done in the finest salon in Transylvania or wearing a tie with pictures of fish that begin to sing when you touch them. Looking special does not mean having taxicabs afraid to pick you up.

So far we have assumed that you are planning on going to nice restaurant, so nice shoes would definitely take precedence over running shoes, but lets say the date is not one in which you go out to dinner. Lets assume you have found someone with similar interests and you decide to do something you enjoy…together.

Where is this date going to take you, the beach, hiking or a long drive in the country? Even if this date is just to go see a movie, there is a proper way to dress. Do not dress in a way that demonstrates you don’t care very much how you look. It just stands to reason that if you don’t care how you look, how can you care much about the person you are with, of course you may not see it that way but they might.

I am not trying to dictate style to you, the colors and fashion you choose are and should be an extension of your personality.  What is important however is to dress for a date with a certain amount of taste. Wearing hiking shoes and a tee shirt for a day on a favorite walking trail is fine, where the problem arises is if that attire is something that your local Goodwill would turn down. Dressing for your date is about more than wardrobe. Heading to the local beach where everyone is wearing board shorts and you show up wearing a Speedo, two sizes too small will surely make your date want to open an artery and run screaming into the ocean hoping a Great White is swimming nearby.

Clean, tasteful and date appropriate are the buzzwords for understanding how to dress for a date. Even if you are not the most fashion conscious person, just understanding this will at least allow the person you are interested to stay interested, and perhaps another date might be a shopping trip to enhance your sense of style!

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Find Me A Date Tonight | Successful Dating

Published on 06 Aug 2013 with 1 Comment

Another lonely night at home, watching your goldfish laugh at you when he knows he may get some later from that fancy tail hanging out on the other side of the water filter? Well, whose fault is that? Just give it a little bit of thought and dig up a bit of courage and you too can be out on the town saying, “lord please step in and find me a date tonight.”

One of the first things you need to decide upon when trying to find a date is what you actually want to get out that date. Are you just looking for some pleasant company for the evening and perhaps getting to know someone a bit better or are you looking for a hot passionate night with little or no regard for the future. The answer to this question and the ultimate goal of successful dating will determine what approach you may use to find a date tonight.

No matter what you are looking for, you will still need to be appealing to the person that you may want to ask out. So when you do begin looking for your date, keep in mind that you want to entice them into getting to know you better, not chase them off screaming.

One of the best methods for successful dating is to just go about your normal daily routine, but with a keen eye open for any potential dating material. I have actually found that merely walking up to someone in a casual but friendly manner is a great method. Of course you still need to have some conversation starter that doesn’t make you seem like a stalker is vital to your success and can really help if you eventually need to go to court.

The grocery and outdoor cafes are great for this approach. The vast array of online dating sites is a tried and true method of finding a date for tonight in the most efficient way possible. Not only can you search thousands of profiles but you can also pick a specifically themed website to look for someone that you already know has similar interests. It’s also a much quicker way of finding a date as you already know the people you meet via an online dating site are also looking to date.

This is the foundation for everything that comes after, whether it’s an ongoing relationship or a visit to a motel that charges by the hour. If you are on a favorite dating site or at the corner grocery store you still need to approach someone if you have hopes of finding a date tonight.

Successful dating is not rocket science, just realize that other people want to go out on a date too, so it is just a question of getting those two people in close proximity either in person or at the other end of the Internet and hoping one of them is confident enough, or desperate enough to make that inspiring and well known…first move!

7 Clever Ways To Ask First Date Questions

Published on 24 Jul 2013 with 0 Comments

couple on first date asking questions

You have planned everything down to the goodbye kiss. You have scripted everything about how the first date should go, when you will pick her up if you are a man, and what you will be wearing if you are a woman. You are now prepared for any eventuality. The date is going well but then something inside you blurts out a question that could have you both scrambling for cover. It seems that everyone who goes on a first date wants to know answers to many of the same questions, and quite often these questions are asked. The method of delivery however is another story as how you ascertain the answers can make the difference between a pleasant evening and a fork in the eye!

Its important to keep conversation and questions on a first date light and easy, there is nothing worse than someone giving you the third degree about everything under the sun. You are trying to get to know someone so don’t make him or her feel like they are filling out a mortgage application. Phrase your questions that will lead to the answers you seek, but without directly challenging the other person to give a quick and definitive response. So, lets look at some of the ways we can ask first date questions without making it seem like an interview.

In addition to chemistry, dating is really about strategy. Each person is attempting to determine various things about the other; some people are just more obvious than others.
But if you want to ask certain questions here are some clever ways to ask those first date question.

Sarcasm, this has always been a fairly useful tool in the questioning process. Sarcastic humor such as “I work 40 hours to be this poor” is a great way to open a conversation about finance, wealth and employment.

Humor will always be the greatest of all icebreakers, especially for difficult topics, and when used to elicit a response it can tell a person a great deal. Get into a conversation about movies and then mention a funny movie that has religious aspects to it. Now you have a method to move into a light discussion that can help you determine if your date is a religious person or not.

Semi-Direct questions should be tempered with smiles and lots of wine. If you want to know about the stability of a person and their career direction then phrase the question as a direct one but without asking it exactly that way. “If you could choose your dream job, what would it be?” Again, this opens the door to expand the conversation in direction that will give you some answers.

There are two other clever ways to ask questions on a first date but the person asking has to be a quick thinker and possess the ability to change direction quickly. They are Self-deprecating humor and confrontational. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape, right? This is a great example of self-deprecating humor and can be useful in a conversation about whether or not you eat healthy or go to a gym. For the confrontational approach, let us remember we are on a date so confrontational does not mean aggressive, it may just take the form of a contra point of view, “I can’t believe you would actually pick this movie over that one!”

When it comes to emotions you need to tread lightly, but it is important to ask certain questions when you are trying to determine the emotional baggage a person may be carrying around. Compassionate questioning works well if you already know of some break-up or issue in their lives that gives you concerns about the long-term potential of this person. “I heard about what you had gone through, I recently went through something similar” and then let the process continue from there. This is a type of question where you may need to back it off a bit if you see too emotional of a response, but its also perfect in that it give a good indication of their redness to move on.

All these possibilities are merely what I like to call probing hints.  They open a line of conversation without making you seem like an idiot or trying to stick your nose where it may not belong. The best first date questions never actually seem like questions, they are more like subtle nudges, directing people to those answers you’d like to have.

Of course, some people have no filter and may blurt out the most offensive questions. This is Volume questioning in which they will ask very blunt and often insulting questions to many people on many dates in hopes that somewhere along the line they get an affirmative response. This is quite often used by men when trying to determine if first date sex is a possibility before continuing. A good example of this might be “are you going to sleep with me, or do you want to split the bill?” Have fun and date safely!

Rich Men Dating Younger Women Is known As Sugar Daddy Dating

Published on 16 Jul 2013 with 2 Comments

wealthy-man-with-jet

 

Dating is not a spectator sport so it is correct to presume that an individual will get out of his or her experiences what they put into it. Those middle class individuals may not have the same goals or abilities as rich men dating another well to do individual, who also has above average means, and therefore may be looking for someone who currently shares a comparable lifestyle. The interesting combination occurs with the rich dating a person of significantly lesser means, who is then exposed to standard of living much greater then they have been accustomed to. Once a woman experiences this change in lifestyle it is extremely difficult to go back to a middle class existence.

For a wealthy gentleman dating very attractive younger women has been given the terminology of Sugar daddy dating, this implies somewhat more mature men interested in beginning a mutually beneficial relationship with younger attractive ladies for the purpose of showing them a more affluent lifestyle.  The affluent dating beneath their socio-economic position does not mean that more of a traditional type of relationship would be not be acceptable, and this quite regularly can lead to a long term relationship and perhaps even marriage.

When a young woman enters into a relationship with a upscale gentleman it can become an educational experience. This schooling is not in the traditional sense, but more in the way of enhanced life lessons.  In the Sugar daddy dating experience, the young woman will be exposed to a level of affluence that she may have only dreamed of, or seen on television, but will now get actual exposure to this lifestyle. It is how she reacts to this new and fascinating way of life that could very well determine her future.

It especially needs to be understood that with the middle class, lower class or the rich, dating is based on respect and understanding, combined with shared visions. If these elements are not present it does not matter whether it is the rich dating the poor, or the middle class dating the middle class, a relationship without these basics is doomed to failure.