The Holiday season is here and time is running out to find the perfect gift for your significant other. We’ve always wondered what gifts women want most for Christmas, so we decided to find out. We surveyed over one thousand women to help uncover what they really want for Christmas!
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The things I wish I knew before I said I do.
I have never been married, and at times I regret this decision while at other times I drop to my knees and say ‘Thank You Lord!’ Its not that I am against the institution of marriage, it is more likely that having seen many friends go through the dating, engagement, marriage and divorce progressions, I am convinced that too many people go into a marriage with either too many regrets or not enough information. I have thus surveyed many of these people to find out what they wish they knew before they took the plunge. Here is what I have discovered.
Marriage is a huge step and although you can’t account for every eventuality such as the raising of children, how your assets and savings will be allocated and what to do if either or both of you fall on hard times. The issue of children and money is probably the number one cause of marital conflict. I feel like if my friends had actually had significant discussions on these topics they either would not have gotten married, or at least had a better idea of what they were getting into, and be better prepared to handle it, both mentally and financially. Don’t get me wrong, there will still be conflict, but it could be lessened considerably by a better understanding of what may lie ahead.
Remember that after you are married you are not just responsible for your own happiness but for that of your spouse as well. You have to be especially certain that the two of you compliment each other in many aspects and that this union makes each of you a better person or more complete. You are giving something up that is very precious, your freedom and it can be very expensive or even impossible to get back. Your dreams are now tied to another person and this person may also have a family that has clear, strong thoughts on how you need to live your life. They will have specific viewpoints on all things including but not limited to religion and the raising of your children. If you are not prepared or uncertain as to whether you can deal with this, runway, immediately.
I have noticed that in most marriages, it is never an equal partnership as one person will either have a much stronger personality than the other or will come into the marriage with significantly greater assets. In most pre-marriage relationships, the person who cares the least usually carries the power, in a marriage the person who controls the bankbook usually does. The stipulation to this is that if one person is much more attractive and desirable, they could have more control as they are more in demand if the marriage fails.
While we’re on the subject lets discuss physical appearance as it pertains to wedded bliss. Very rarely does a relationship last in which one partner is significantly more attractive than the other. This is not to say it doesn’t occur, but more often than not these relationships fail miserably. But in this instance you can make your choices before the rings are on the fingers. What happens if your spouse’s appearance changes dramatically after marriage? The person you fell in love with is no longer that attractive, physical dynamo that you were proud to be seen in public with, but is now an overweight couch potato who makes the bathroom scale shriek every time they get near. You could always get a look at their parents to get a reasonable idea of what you are in for, but the point is to make the decision as to how important looks are during the engagement, not after the wedding.
Chances are you will never change the person you marry, they are who they are and your only choice is whether you can live the rest of your life with these things or not. But again, remember that you have to weigh the emotional cost of getting out of this relationship before getting married or the emotional and financial cost of ending it after you say ‘I do.”
A few uncomfortable thoughts: a stubbed toe, a root canal, and being stuck with a date you don’t like. While they all involve just temporary pain, spending a few hours with someone you feel you don’t mesh with can seem excruciating at times. So what do you do when you feel like you’d rather be gnawed on by a herd of rabid squirrels, rather than sit through 2 more minutes listening to why Star Wars is better than Battlestar Gallactica?
While there are many approaches, here are a just a few of the tried and true tactics to get you home early:
Take the honest route. When you find your mind wondering during dinner, and wishing a friend would call your cell with “an emergency”, go ahead and lay it on the line. There are certainly ways to be polite and tactful, while asking to excuse yourself from the rest of the evening. “I’m just not feeling as if we’re a good match” is an effective opener.
Feign illness. Maybe it was the fish that made you ill at dinner… hang your hat on that excuse and then hope your date doesn’t recall that you had the chicken. I do suggest that if you decide to play The Sick Card, you go all in though. Don’t be too passive in stating you ‘feel a bit queasy’; instead, go right ahead and tell him / her “wow, I don’t know WHAT they put in that gazpacho, but whatever it was; it’s going through me like a locomotive!!” There are very few people that will attempt to detain you after that declaration.
Having a friend call you with a “so-called” emergency actually has been over played in Television and the Movies but can still work if you have children. Just be smart as to how and when during the date you play this card. Set up a code in advance, just in case your date wants to question you about the situation and asks if they could help. A text with a key word telling your friend to call back in 5, 10 or 20 minutes is helpful
If the above mentioned tips fails to get you to the exit, and an accelerated end to the date, there is always the “excuse me, I have to use the restroom” line. This works best if the restrooms are out of view of your date and have a close proximity to an exit. This is to only be used if your date actually instills a sense of fear in you and your options are limited and your safety could be compromised. Try to avoid this tip if at all possible as it is not only a method of last resort, but you are also not quite sure of the mental state of your date and whether he or she may be the type to retaliate.
These few tips to end a date early are by no means the only ones, but having a friend in the local SWAT team come in and arrest you would definitely work and probably eliminate any future requests to go out, however it may be a bit on the extreme side. The best method for ending a date early is not to go out with them. It’s difficult to ascertain whether a person is a good fit for you with out the first or second date but you can weed out a great many of the undesirables. Just use your best judgment and natural instinct and you should be fine, if that doesn’t work, pull the fire alarm and run like hell!