I was sitting with a few friends at my favorite South Beach watering hole the other evening and I watched with amazement the line of guys that approached this small group of women in hopes of catching their attention. Each and every attempt was eerily similar and each ended with the same result, the guy walking away dejected and the ladies barely even remembering his existence. I thought about this for a bit and wondered why these reasonably decent looking guys were failing miserably. Didn’t any of these guys know how to approach a woman at a bar? I watched a few more guys crash and burn and then it hit me when an average looking guy stepped up for his turn, and in a miracle almost as impressive as Moses parting the Red Sea, they invited him to stay for a drink. He did something that none of those before him did, he actually introduced himself and smiled a friendly smile.

So many men waste opportunities by not knowing how to approach women.  They think that merely walking by with a silly grin and muttering something like “Wassup” is all it takes, relying on what they think is their overwhelming good looks to open the door. Having the confidence to approach them is the first part of the equation but not the only part. Confident is good, cocky is not, that is why having something worthwhile or witty to say can make all the difference. Your normal run of the mill or generic pick up lines have been heard many times by an attractive woman, so you need to original and sincere. What always seems to work the best is just saying something like “Hello, I’m <insert your name here>, I hope you’re having a great evening.” Simple, unassuming and combined with a bit of confidence one of the best opening lines ever used. This is time tested whether you are trying to figure out how to approach a woman in the gym, bar or anywhere else.

Of course if you do have a certain charm or wit about you, then you can use that to your advantage by consistently coming up with original opening lines that make people smile. The thing I have noticed most is that very few men actually have the combined skills of confidence and witty dialogue. This can easily be overcome merely by a little practice. This is not rocket science and you really only need a mirror to practice in front of. Another method of practicing the sweet science of dialogue is to just start conversations with those you meet along your day. Mention what a pretty scarf a woman is wearing in the elevator, joke with the elderly man feeding pigeons in the park. Whatever the situation, just start a conversation and in no time at all it will become second nature to you and you will have all the skills needed to talk to approach women with confidence.

Remember that when you do approach a woman you don’t have to recite a novel, sometimes shorter is better. Once the conversation drifts into long pauses it may be time to hasten a strategic retreat. You don’t always need to come away with a phone number or a motel key. You will most likely find that when you do encounter someone you have a comfortable dialogue with, it will more than likely take on a life of it’s own. When that occurs just go with the flow and don’t force anything. Learn how to approach a woman at work to rehearse without getting fired. Just practice and you will find it all gets easier the more time you do it. The butterflies in your stomach may or may not disappear in time, and you will undoubtedly crash and burn a few times. But keep at it, this will not only help you in the dating arena but it’s an important skill for career networking as well.