Tried-and-True Flirting: 9 Ways Women Respond Positively

Most people who flirt think they're being pretty obvious about it. The other person should be picking up on all those little signals, right? Well, here's a humbling number for you. Research covered by Psychology Today found that the person being flirted with only recognized it about 28% of the time. That means roughly 3 out of every 4 attempts go completely unnoticed. So if you've ever walked away from a conversation wondering if she knew you were interested, chances are she didn't.

The good news is that flirting isn't some mysterious talent you're born with or without. There are specific things that women respond to, and researchers have actually studied what works and what falls flat. Some of these will feel intuitive to you, and a few might surprise you. But they all have something in common: they make the other person feel good, seen, and comfortable enough to want more of your company.

1. Laugh at Her Jokes (and Mean It)

You've probably heard that being funny is attractive. And that's true. But something that often gets overlooked is how much it matters to show someone that you think they're funny.

A cross-cultural study published in Evolutionary Psychology, led by Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair of the Norwegian University of Science and Technology, along with researchers from Bucknell University and SUNY Oswego, found that the single most effective flirtation tactic for both men and women was showing the other person that you found them funny. Laughing at someone's jokes, genuinely and warmly, sends a strong signal of interest.

Co-author Rebecca Burch put it well: "It is not only effective to be funny, but for women it is very important that you show your potential partner that you think they are funny."

So if she says something that makes you smile, let her see it.

2. Use Humor to Build a Connection

Being funny still matters, of course. Research at the University of Kansas by Jeffrey Hall, an associate professor of communication studies, found that when a man tries to be funny and a woman laughs at those attempts, the chances of her being interested go up. And when both people were laughing together, both were more interested in each other.

Hall noted that laughing together can signal that a future relationship would be fun and filled with good cheer. Humor creates a shared space between two people, and that shared space is where attraction tends to grow.

You don't need to be a stand-up comedian. Being lighthearted and playful is enough.

3. Hold Eye Contact a Little Longer Than Usual

This one is simple, and it's backed by years of research. A 2024 speed-dating study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that real eye contact triggers positive arousal, meaning the other person sees you more favorably when you're looking at them directly. Participants were more likely to choose partners with whom they had shared longer gazes.

Research published in PNAS also found that people felt more engaged during conversations when they were making eye contact compared to when they weren't.

Dr. Monica Moore, a psychologist at Webster University, found that the people who got approached most often in social settings weren't necessarily the most physically attractive. They were the ones who made eye contact and smiled. Professor Kennair added that smiling and eye contact form the base from which you can build stronger flirting skills.

Start there. Look at her when she's talking. Let your gaze linger for a beat longer than you normally would.

4. Compliment Her Personality, Not Her Looks

There's a common instinct to compliment someone's appearance first. And while that's not a bad thing in the right moment, survey data from a study published in Scientific Reports found that 38% of women preferred being complimented on their personality, and 20% said they liked compliments on their sense of humor.

The same study found that novel, creative compliments were rated as more attractive than basic, literal ones. So instead of saying "you look nice," try telling her you admire the way she thinks about something, or that her sense of humor caught you off guard in the best way.

A good compliment shows that you've been paying attention to who she is, not what she looks like from across the room.

5. Be Sincere About Your Interest

Hall's research at the University of Kansas identified 5 distinct styles of flirting: physical, playful, polite, sincere, and traditional. Among these, the sincere style proved especially resonant with women. People who used this approach communicated attraction through self-disclosure and focused attention. They were attentive, less fidgety, and present in the conversation.

Hall observed that women who used the sincere style themselves tended to laugh and smile more, and often showed what he described as the "coy gaze," a recognizable sign of interest.

There's a lesson in this for you: don't play games or try to seem uninterested on purpose. If you like someone, let that come through in how you talk to them and how much of yourself you're willing to share.

6. Use Light, Appropriate Touch

Touch communicates a lot, and the type of touch matters. Research cited by TIME found that the most flirtatious and romantically charged touch was a soft face touch, followed by a touch around the shoulder or waist, and then a gentle touch on the forearm. The least romantic? A shoulder push, shoulder tap, or handshake.

The pattern is telling. Gentle, informal contact that happens naturally during conversation reads as warmth and interest. A brief touch on the arm when she says something funny, or a light hand on her back as you walk together, can say more than a long speech about your feelings.

Of course, read the room. If she's leaning in and seems comfortable, a small touch can close the distance between you. If she's pulling away, respect that completely.

7. Actually Listen to What She's Saying

This sounds obvious, but most people are pretty bad at it. A 2024 review published in Current Opinion in Psychology found that active listening, which includes showing empathy and appreciation, helps people feel valued. And feeling valued is one of the strongest draws in any relationship.

Good listeners attract people. They make others feel like what they're saying matters, and that's a rare thing to offer someone in a casual conversation. Put your phone away. Ask follow-up questions. Remember what she told you earlier in the conversation and bring it back up later.

Listening isn't passive. It's one of the most active things you can do when you're with someone.

8. Find and Explore Common Ground

A 2025 study from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign looked at how modern relationships typically begin and found that young adults often describe an early stage they call a "flirtationship." This stage involves noticing the first sparks of attraction, then exploring common interests through conversation and spending more time together.

Participants in the study repeatedly mentioned friendship as an important foundation for romantic partnerships. Finding something you both care about, a shared interest, a favorite type of music, a sense of humor that clicks, gives you something real to build on. It moves you past surface-level small talk into the kind of conversation that actually makes her want to see you again.

9. Be a Little More Obvious

Here's where that 28% stat really comes into play. If you're flirting subtly and hoping she picks up on it, the odds are not in your favor.

Experts suggest putting yourself out there with a bit more vulnerability. That could mean telling her directly that you've been enjoying talking to her. It could mean asking for her number instead of hoping she offers it. It could mean texting her the next day and saying you'd like to see her again.

Being obvious doesn't mean being aggressive. It means being honest enough that she doesn't have to guess. Most women would rather know where they stand with someone than spend the rest of the evening trying to decode mixed signals.

What It All Comes Down To

None of these methods requires a script or a strategy guide. They ask you to pay attention, be present, and let someone know you're interested in a way that feels comfortable for both of you. The research consistently points in the same direction: women respond to warmth, attentiveness, humor, and honesty.

You don't need to use all 9 of these at once. Pick the ones that feel natural to you and practice them. The goal isn't to perform. It's to connect with someone in a way that makes her genuinely glad she talked to you.