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Questions You Need To Ask Before Marriage

Published on 04 Dec 2012 with 0 Comments

The things I wish I knew before I said I do.

I have never been married, and at times I regret this decision while at other times I drop to my knees and say ‘Thank You Lord!’ Its not that I am against the institution of marriage, it is more likely that having seen many friends go through the dating, engagement, marriage and divorce progressions, I am convinced that too many people go into a marriage with either too many regrets or not enough information. I have thus surveyed many of these people to find out what they wish they knew before they took the plunge. Here is what I have discovered.

Marriage is a huge step and although you can’t account for every eventuality such as the raising of children, how your assets and savings will be allocated and what to do if either or both of you fall on hard times. The issue of children and money is probably the number one cause of marital conflict. I feel like if my friends had actually had significant discussions on these topics they either would not have gotten married, or at least had a better idea of what they were getting into, and be better prepared to handle it, both mentally and financially. Don’t get me wrong, there will still be conflict, but it could be lessened considerably by a better understanding of what may lie ahead.

Remember that after you are married you are not just responsible for your own happiness but for that of your spouse as well. You have to be especially certain that the two of you compliment each other in many aspects and that this union makes each of you a better person or more complete. You are giving something up that is very precious, your freedom and it can be very expensive or even impossible to get back. Your dreams are now tied to another person and this person may also have a family that has clear, strong thoughts on how you need to live your life. They will have specific viewpoints on all things including but not limited to religion and the raising of your children. If you are not prepared or uncertain as to whether you can deal with this, runway, immediately.

I have noticed that in most marriages, it is never an equal partnership as one person will either have a much stronger personality than the other or will come into the marriage with significantly greater assets. In most pre-marriage relationships, the person who cares the least usually carries the power, in a marriage the person who controls the bankbook usually does. The stipulation to this is that if one person is much more attractive and desirable, they could have more control as they are more in demand if the marriage fails.

While we’re on the subject lets discuss physical appearance as it pertains to wedded bliss. Very rarely does a relationship last in which one partner is significantly more attractive than the other. This is not to say it doesn’t occur, but more often than not these relationships fail miserably. But in this instance you can make your choices before the rings are on the fingers. What happens if your spouse’s appearance changes dramatically after marriage? The person you fell in love with is no longer that attractive, physical dynamo that you were proud to be seen in public with, but is now an overweight couch potato who makes the bathroom scale shriek every time they get near. You could always get a look at their parents to get a reasonable idea of what you are in for, but the point is to make the decision as to how important looks are during the engagement, not after the wedding.

Chances are you will never change the person you marry, they are who they are and your only choice is whether you can live the rest of your life with these things or not. But again, remember that you have to weigh the emotional cost of getting out of this relationship before getting married or the emotional and financial cost of ending it after you say ‘I do.”

About noah_van_hochman

Noah Van Hochman’s distinctive style of bringing his thoughts and abilities for all to see is comparable to a summer storm, you can see it coming, but there is really nothing you can do about it! His vast knowledge on a multitude of subjects leaves him with a variety of opinions that can change in an instant, and often do. Mr. Van Hochman may at times have the demeanor of the Dalai Lama while at other periods he may appear to be more of a drunken sailor out on shore leave! Whatever manner he is presenting at the moment one thing is certain, his intellect and analytical skills are considerable, and wherever his travels take him you can be certain he will make wonderful new friends. Children and puppies love him

For Shy Men Online Dating Is A Saviour

Published on 03 Dec 2012 with 0 Comments

 

We have all that that one friend that we used to hang out with that was a just a bit more introverted that all the rest of us. You remember him, he used to hide in the shadows and when we would chase girls he would barely utter a word. He had lots of guy friends but when it came to the girls he was…well, lets just say not very successful. Ten years later he may be the CEO of a multinational software company but he still panics when it comes to the dating scene. Fear no more! The Internet is here to save the day!

Internet dating is the answer to the shy guy’s prayers. No more does he have to get traumatized with the thought of actually going over to a woman at a club or nightspot to introduce himself. Now, he just needs to turn on his computer and log in to his profile where he can be as suave as George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Although the use of an online dating site does not automatically mean that you will find the girl of your dreams, or even a date for that matter, but it does seem as though its much easier to be rejected online than in person.

Before we go any further, lets make one important point; if a person is only a slightly better version of Shrek or is so bashful and inhibited that they can barely talk to a woman, even the Internet will not help, as at some point you will have to show up for a real life date. But, if the shy guy and his more confident rivals are similarly ranked in terms of appearance, than online dating can, for a short time become the great equalizer.

Internet dating sites are not the only method a shy guy has to meet women, but the Internet could be the best method to further any interaction with those encountered by other means. If you are really shy when it comes to asking women out, but can muster the nerve to be around them as friends, you are actually in a good position. It could be as simple as volunteering at your church or temple or some sort of group. Once you are in a social setting of some type its much easier to navigate the waters from acquaintance to friend to dating. Not only will you become at ease around the women but these women will also feel more comfortable with you.  Email addresses will usually be exchanged and you may even become Facebook friends. You can then begin the transition from friend to dating master in the relative comfort and emotional safety of your own home.

Women usually feel more comfortable in a group and if you are really shy, being around people you already know will tend to lessen the anxiety. It may also make you look a bit more desirable if there are other women that you already know as friends hanging around you. All these processes are aimed at one goal, not so much to get you a date but to give you the confidence to interact.  The dating part will come easily once you get over the fear and anxiety of speaking with new women. The Internet will give you the venue to Interact without pressure. Just remember, if you do not develop confidence, whether you are online or in a crowed bar, you will undoubtedly crash and burn unless you have enough faith in yourself and set realistic goals

About noah_van_hochman

Noah Van Hochman’s distinctive style of bringing his thoughts and abilities for all to see is comparable to a summer storm, you can see it coming, but there is really nothing you can do about it! His vast knowledge on a multitude of subjects leaves him with a variety of opinions that can change in an instant, and often do. Mr. Van Hochman may at times have the demeanor of the Dalai Lama while at other periods he may appear to be more of a drunken sailor out on shore leave! Whatever manner he is presenting at the moment one thing is certain, his intellect and analytical skills are considerable, and wherever his travels take him you can be certain he will make wonderful new friends. Children and puppies love him

Where Can I Find A Boyfriend ASAP

Published on 29 Nov 2012 with 2 Comments

I keep getting emails from women complaining that they can’t find a boyfriend and don’t understand why.

There are some who sincerely want someone special in their life but are just not sure how to go about finding that someone that is right for them. So from a guy’s point of view I am going to break the guy code and explain exactly how to get the boyfriend you want and where to find one. Here’s a hint, it’s not rocket science or a big secret, it’s just common sense and works for both men and women. So here they are, the 5 tips for a finding and keeping a decent boyfriend.

Tip #1:  Go where the guys are! The chance of you meeting a great new guy at a knitting class is much less than those of meeting that special someone at the gym or local bistro. Guys do guy things, like hang out at the beach, the park or congregate in trendy new bars searching for…wait for it….YOU! You need to be seen by them so they can do their manly thing and make fools out of themselves trying to get your attention. Once you allow them to get your attention, don’t flaunt yourself. Play it cool. Guys love challenges, but not so much that it starts to seem like too difficult a prospect. Just don’t seem over eager, use this time to figure out if you want to learn more about the person, or just move on to greener pastures.

Tip #2:  Be yourself. Creating a version of yourself that is not accurate and projecting it to those guys you are interested in is not only ultimately going to backfire, but its basically fraud. It’s like going to the store and buying one product and then opening the box and finding another. False advertising is big no-no. Being yourself is only part of the equation; it really helps to know what type of guy you are looking for too. If you are highly educated and are seeking someone of similar intellect and financial stability, then don’t waste your time with someone who can barely put two sentences together. I mean always be polite, and then if the conversation is fun, enjoy it. But remember, you are looking for a boyfriend, which entails much more than a few minutes of chitchat.

Tip #3:  Create him. Sometimes we can’t see what has been right in front of us all along. You may have a friend who you seem to get along with very well but there is just a little something missing. It’s like a sculptor taking a large piece of formless stone and carving away layers to show a beautiful statue that was trapped inside. Of course he has to be open to the idea of being remodeled, and there needs to be some feelings between the two of you that haven’t been acted upon as of yet. Once the transformation is complete, beware competition for this guy!

Tip #4:  Re-create yourself. Just like in our tip #3 for him, you can improve upon yourself. Many times we get so caught up in rut that we fail to take proper care of ourselves, both mentally and physically. Keep up to date on what is going on in the world, get to the gym and get in shape, wear clothes that are not just comfortable but accentuate your finer features. You not only will start to feel better about yourself, but also will be noticed more by others.

Tip #5:  Stop Looking. OK, this may sound anti-productive to your objective of finding a boyfriend, but in fact it is a very important aspect of reaching your goal. If you are looking too hard you begin to seem desperate.  When you are concentrating more on your self, others begin to notice more and want to get to know you. It’s at this point you get to choose whom to let into your world, instead of begging to enter someone else’s.

About noah_van_hochman

Noah Van Hochman’s distinctive style of bringing his thoughts and abilities for all to see is comparable to a summer storm, you can see it coming, but there is really nothing you can do about it! His vast knowledge on a multitude of subjects leaves him with a variety of opinions that can change in an instant, and often do. Mr. Van Hochman may at times have the demeanor of the Dalai Lama while at other periods he may appear to be more of a drunken sailor out on shore leave! Whatever manner he is presenting at the moment one thing is certain, his intellect and analytical skills are considerable, and wherever his travels take him you can be certain he will make wonderful new friends. Children and puppies love him

Choosing The Right Username For A Dating Site.

Published on 28 Nov 2012 with 0 Comments

Sometimes a rose by any other name does not smell as sweet. Lets just reverse this a bit and decide how we would feel if rotten eggs were called roses. Ok, a bit confusing but look at it this way, if you are the nicest person in the world and your online username is BabySealClubber you may not get the opportunity to make a first impression. So why is it that when creating a username for online dating sites, so many people try to come up with a name that is either very inappropriate or does nothing to project the kind of person they are, or their interests. It important to realize that your username is your calling card and this along with your picture will be analyzed, scrutinized and examined considerably to determine if you are worth the time and effort of being sent a message. You will in fact, be judged by the name you choose so make the name work for you, not against you.

It is always a good idea to place something identifiable in a username, such as a hobby or interest. If someone browsing through profiles sees a username that is expressive of something they too enjoy, it is far more likely that they will take the time to give that profile an extra bit of examination. That extra second or two make be all you need to quite possibly change your life. Take a look at the following usernames; BobSkisVT and HotGuy4u, one is very descriptive and tells you a lot about the person, such as the user’s name, interests and a location he frequents. The other username can be any of a million other guys trolling the Internet. A first name and hobby in a profile name also gives some sense familiarity.

The username is great door opener, but if you write a poor profile that shows you to be shallow or a jerk, the name is not going to help. It only assists if everything after the name is quality as well. You need to understand that you are in competition with thousands of others and if your profile and picture are similar to someone else’s, the username could be a deciding factor. Lets be honest, if you merely have a so-so username but you look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, you are still going to beat out the guy or girl with the good username and profile, unless of course you are so over the top obnoxious that a puppy wouldn’t even sniff you.

Humor is always a great ice-breaker and if you can incorporate it into your username you are showing a sense of humor, and that may be enough to get someone to pause long enough to read your profile. That is what a good username does; it gets people to stop long enough to read your profile. Combine a sense of humor with an interest or hobby and you have a great username. It also gives the other person a great conversation starter, a s with our earlier name BobSkisVT a girl can break the ice easily merely by saying “hi Bob! I love to ski Vermont too, what mountain do you like?” It’s really just that simple.

About noah_van_hochman

Noah Van Hochman’s distinctive style of bringing his thoughts and abilities for all to see is comparable to a summer storm, you can see it coming, but there is really nothing you can do about it! His vast knowledge on a multitude of subjects leaves him with a variety of opinions that can change in an instant, and often do. Mr. Van Hochman may at times have the demeanor of the Dalai Lama while at other periods he may appear to be more of a drunken sailor out on shore leave! Whatever manner he is presenting at the moment one thing is certain, his intellect and analytical skills are considerable, and wherever his travels take him you can be certain he will make wonderful new friends. Children and puppies love him

How To Act Approachable To Men

Published on 27 Nov 2012 with 0 Comments

Did you ever notice that when you watch an old movie there is always the gratuitous scene of a woman walking into a room, a bar, a restaurant or pretty much anywhere else and the action stops and all eyes turn to her? Well, technology may have changed but the whether in the movies or real life the outcome remains the same. When an attractive woman enters a room she quite often can become the center of attention, and even if it’s for a fleeting moment, the point has been made, “I am here”.

So now that you, as a woman have made the grand entrance and are basically holding court, you may be wondering why there isn’t a line of men tripping over each other to get near you. The answer is simple; men are great at talking amongst each other or gazing at you from a distance, but when it comes to making ‘the move’ on an attractive woman, even the toughest guy can turn into a coward. You may need to give them a certain signal that you are approachable, or the very least a kind of conversation started. Laugh, talk to the bartender or wear something that you can be complemented on. Going back to those old time movies, did you ever notice that the attractive woman always wore some unique article of clothing or jewelry? We all noticed it, and that s the point! You now have your conversation started; Wow, what an interesting pair of earrings you have.” There you go, you now have given her the choice as to whether or not she will respond, but you have made the initial effort.

The key is to make the initial contact as simple as possible for the guy.  Quite often many attractive women travel in bunches, and although there may be safety and fun in numbers, it also makes it very intimidating for a man to have to navigate through all those women to get to you. Make sure he can approach you from many directions and that there are escape routes. Its also important to not that if you are in a corner and he must pass several of your friends along the way, one of them might seize the opportunity to grab him for herself before he can utter a single word to you.

A radiant smile goes a long way and is the easiest method to get a gentleman to approach you. A smile is like your business card. To plain and it gets just pushed aside, too flamboyant and no one takes it too seriously, but when you have that perfect smile that lets people know you are approachable and friendly you can demonstrate your moods much more adequately. A great smile can is like a lighthouse drawing in ships from all directions and gives them either a safe passage to you or flashes a warning to steer clear.

Knowing how to send out the right signals to men is becoming much more important as many women are finding out that the numbers of quality, single men is fading fast and the competition can be immense and at times ruthless. It may take you stepping out of your comfort zone on occasion but by exploring brave new worlds you may just open yourself to a great new adventure and perhaps that meet that special someone you’ve been longing for.

About noah_van_hochman

Noah Van Hochman’s distinctive style of bringing his thoughts and abilities for all to see is comparable to a summer storm, you can see it coming, but there is really nothing you can do about it! His vast knowledge on a multitude of subjects leaves him with a variety of opinions that can change in an instant, and often do. Mr. Van Hochman may at times have the demeanor of the Dalai Lama while at other periods he may appear to be more of a drunken sailor out on shore leave! Whatever manner he is presenting at the moment one thing is certain, his intellect and analytical skills are considerable, and wherever his travels take him you can be certain he will make wonderful new friends. Children and puppies love him